After choosing my dog, Sunny, I'd soon find out that getting him to settle down for the car ride home was going to be the real challenge. For the rest of the drive, his saliva covered my face as his tongue sprang from his mouth like a grandfather clock striking noon. It almost felt as if I were in one of those Beethoven movies. I didn't mind, surprisingly. I had the same bubbly feeling in my stomach when I make a new friend. It felt right, it felt good.
-Akim C.-
First sentence, second paragraph, makes no sense whatsoever. I'm like, Huh?
ReplyDeleteYour metaphor--"his tongue lofted from his mouth like a grandfather clock striking noon"--also makes no sense. Huh?
Your last paragraph is weak because it involves two vague, passive sentences that say absolutely nothing at all.